Running out of Fairy Dust.

I think I almost lost my childhood. See, I'm all grown up now! Tentu aja secara fisik dan usia gue udah dewasa. But somehow ada bagian yang tidak seharusnya ikut dewasa! Rrgh!

Biasanya gue selalu bisa dengan mudah menggambarkan atau mengimajinasikan sesuatu, semisal jalan pulang ke rumah atau ke kamar seseorang.

Jadi gini, dulu kalo gue lagi kangen sama seseorang, sebelum tidur gue selalu memejamkan mata dan membayangkan gue keluar dari kamar dimana gue tidur saat itu, dan gue akan berjalan dengan memvisualisasikan tempat-tempat yang biasanya dan harus dilewati untuk sampai ke orang yang gue kangenin itu. Biasanya gue menggunakan cara terbang. Jadi visualisasinya itu reel banget! Gue melihat belokan jalannya, bangunan yang dilewatin, sungai, halaman rumah orang lain, dan sebagainya. bahkan gue melakukan apa yang seharusnya dilakukan di dunia nyata: buka pintu, copot sepatu.. dan sebagainya. Lantas setelah sampai gue akan berdiri dan menyaksikan orang yang gue kangenin itu tidur dengan damai... Dan biasanya rasa kangennya akan sedikit terobati.

tapi tadi malem, gue berusaha sangat keras untuk melakukannya, dan alamak... yang terjadi hanya gambar ngga jelas dengan bayangan bolong sana sini!! Help!! Gue ngga bisa menghayal seperti dulu lagi!! huaaa... mengerikan! Jangan sampe deh untuk seterusnya! semoga itu semua terjadi hanya karena gue lagi banyak pikiran aja...

Ya , gue yakin semalam hal itu terjadi karena gue lagi banyak pikiran aja.

Tapi kalo misal ternyata kekhawatiran gue terjadi, Kemana gue harus nyari Fairy Dust...? :(

Waiting for the good news.

I just cried a few hours a go as this picture is taken.   Remembering my mom and my little sister while i had my dinner, It's kinda sad. There is something that i regret about my life, because i cannot watching them closely and intensively.  (well it's not too obvious if you see this pictures, aight? well, camera loves me. What can i say? *grin*) Gue kangen nyokap dan pengen menghabiskan quality time sama adek gue. I just, feeling guilty for her. Tadi gue merenungkan, ternyata hidup adek gue berat... tinggal berdua sama nyokap (secara teknis sih bertiga sama abang sulung gue, tapi dia jarang ada di rumah, dan sepertinya ngga begitu merhatiin adeknya. Dia lebih introvert dan keasyikan dengan dunianya sendiri. As far as i observed.) Dia kesepian. Masa remajanya dia lewatin dengan bertanya-tanya, tanpa ada yang bisa ngasih jawaban yang memuaskan. I do really feling guilty... disaat dia butuh seseorang yang bisa membimbing, gue lagi sibuk-sibuknya menata masa depan. She has been so lonely for too long. :(

Ada perasaan kosong, dimana gue seperti berjalan di lorong gelap memikirkan  nyokap dan adek gue. Well, for me personally I dont have any qualms about my future. All i need to do Is be patient waiting for the good news coming. Well she is on her way to come. Mungkin untuk beberapa bulan kedepan kehiduan gue akan basi. Tapi gapapa, gue akan mengisinya dengan produktifitas nulis. 

Oh ia,gue belom cerita perihal hasil meeting kemaren sama Mbak Vera (baca: Editor Gramed!:D) So far dia suka sih sama jalan cerita yang gue jabarkan secara oral, namun dia pengen liat dulu gimana cara penulisan gue... Well, I have no doubt about the way i telling the story through writings. Not as good as the former famous author sih -not yet- tapi ya enak di baca lah.. :P

Dan, another good news is, aku mengajukan satu judul Teen-lit ( yeah. TEENLIT!) dengan judul "Clumsy In Love" The story about a broken heart turned to be a whole heart. Hehe. Ya intinya mbak Vera tertarik dan meminta gue segera menyelesaikan cerita ituuuh... duhh, senengnya belum jadi pun uda di minta. Jadi sekarang tugas gue adalah membereskan si pre wedding, terus si Restu dan Lana, dan setelah itu baru deh si Teenlit. 

Just be patient ya Lei. Tahun ini lo bakal jadi A Fabulous new comer aouthor. Bukan bermaksud sombong, but I'm confident with my self. Beda looh. xixixi.

Sometimes you will feel this feeling: an emptiness. But dont let it eating you alive. Wake up and smell the good feelings as you be able to get over it. Jangan terlalu larut dalam perasaan hampa. Mending lo bangun dan melakukan sesuatu yang menghasilkan. Entah itu cuci piring, makan, menggambar, nulis, apa aja ! Yang penting waktu lo ga kebuang sia2 dengan duduk bengong mandang tembok kosong. Time is running, and you shuld race your self if you wanna be the winner. 

Ah, anggap aja ini ocehan gue doang.. tapi kalo misal ada yang bisa di ambil, ya ambil positifnya aja deh. Berbagi apa salahnya toh? :)

Mother, how are you today?

Mom,
I miss you.  I dreamt of you yesterday. Every single time i come home, we never have any quality time to be spent together. I miss you, mom... and i'm so sad to not be able to watching you everyday. I want to taking care of you completely. Pray for me, hope the time comes any sooner.

Wish me luck!

The ugly duckling doesnt have any money even just for printing his novels and the transports money to meet the editor. GRAMEDIA EDITORS. Today i will show my novel to Mbak Vera. Hope she likes it. Hope Gramedia love it.

Please God... Help us.

Fugly Duckling.

look at this picture...

 

 taken: As i posted this blog.

It's me. So fucking ugly. Yeah...

I may say this is the hardest month of my 2010. Still with the same mourn: BROKE. Being out of livelihood makes me stressed out. Geez... 

So this picture is taken while i'm trying to put my best effort (really?) to finished this. Keliatan banget ya suntuknya? 

Proses penulisan novel gue ini bener-bener membutuhkan tenaga extra. Why? karena distraksi yang ada di mana-mana, belum lagi mood yang naik turun karena mikirin hal lain juga. 

Pagi ini gue dapet email dari bagian keuangan 'kantor' yang mengabarkan bahwa posisi team kita sudah ngga se 'macan' dulu lagi yang diakibatkan oleh persaingan antar penulis yang sangat ketat. 

Lantas gue berpikir... sebenernya gue udah dari dulu pengen berhenti jadi penulis sinetron (well, at least break gitu) dan fokus menyelesaikan novel2 gue, just old story yadda yadda yang sering gue bahas. Tapi ya kesempatan ternyata belum datang juga. Tapi gue sadar sih, kesempatan itu bukan untuk di tunggu, tapi di KEJAR. 

Dan makanya, gue sekarang ini sedang memfokuskan diri untuk menamatkan novel gue. Mungkin, akan terbit sebelum film nya di rilis. atau siapa tahu film duluan yang terbit? Hanya Dia yang tahu.

Mungkin si Fugly ini suatu saat nanti akan berubah menjadi beautiful Alei. Tinggal nunggu waktunya aja. This Fugly writer will turn to be a beautiful Author.

Ok let's cut this crap, move your ass and back to your work! *SPANK!*

Valentine's Day=Valentine Ungu.

I just surprised as i watched this awesome movie in BSD today. We (me, MM, kekeh) went there through a very hot middle noon by motorbike. And i got dizzy because the road is so grumbling with holes everywhere, and the sun so shiny right upon our head.

Ok, back to the topic, i have one story titled Valentine Ungu or Purple Valentine. And actually i should be proud to my self because there are some familiar part of the story, when (God, as usual, i always forget people's name, moreover a character in the movie) these-girl-who-neurotically-crazy-and-too-busy-to-taking care-people-rather-than-herself- threw a party themed 'I hate Valentine" scene. So, the similarity is, the main idea of my story tell's about peoples who desperate with love, had sucks relationships, or being single in Val's day. So, there are four peoples, best friends, living in the same house. They are all working and have a good livelihood. (Sentimen deh kalo nyentil masalah 'penghasilan' ini. :D) as the Valentine day comes, suddenly something came up and put them into confusion about their love life in this term is their sexual life.

They dont want to end the Val's day in a desperation. However they are famous and have a good image in the public's issues. Well, for simple in their social live environments. so they try to matchmaking them self one with another. And the twist is coming as they realized their self that they are dont fit one with another. And they decided to not having the dinner, and decided to enjoy the Val's nite by all alone. But out of the blue they got information that mentioned about this "Purple valentine' as a dinner theme for those people who is single, gay and lesbians. Yesss, this is the party for the single gays and lesses. Lol. So four of them are accidentaly meet in the party, and finally they realized that they are loving each other, but in a now formations. Male to male, female to female. xixixi.
I think, it's just a sweet story, and i will develope it for next year valentine. :D Yeah, i will be productive this year. After i finished my Pre Wedding, then i will continuing my second novel. I havent got the title yet, but soon i'll find it out.

Ah, aku seharian belum mandi. :P Yakkk, efek merugikan dari bokek ya kayak gini... males ngapa-ngapain. heuheuheu...

I want to break free!!

I need to rent my own room. I guest, in a desperate way. While I don't have any income in past two weeks, all the sudden boredom are avalanches me. Fakkk. I feel like i'm dead louse a.k.a. mati kutu kagak bisa kemana-mana coyyyy.

Argh...
My lil sister is a soon to be a Junior High fresh graduater. And i don't want her to end up her teenager period as an unemployed girl who just sitting back at home listening to the local radio with lame musics until somebody come to marrying her. Well, not all the locals are lame, but mostly.. yes. And it's bad for your bright future. Ok, ok. I'm just making up the story. Puas?

I mean, I have to earn lots of money to get her enter to the university, while now my goddamn livelieho' is just sabotaged by another writer. Ok, I'm making up again!! It's all because I'm not that good in writhing the syinetryon.Blahhhh. Man, I can't hold it any longer!! Well I'm the only one who can change this shitty situation into a better one, i know. And I'm too much making excuses. Just finish your novel, send it to the publisher, and soon you'll have to say adios to the poverty. I know that. I know!!! But why you just whining around complaining about your miserable weekend, eh?? BECAUSE I'M BROKE!!!!






Ah, bollocks.